蜜柚直播

And he wants to do it right.

The 蜜柚直播 author and poet鈥檚 latest book, 鈥淢y Dharma Box,鈥� is one of his attempts to do that.

The book of 50 short poetic prose pieces opens with the one Gilmore wrote shortly after he was diagnosed with ALS late last year.

鈥淚 got the news in one of those square little rooms with an exam table, a sink, two steel chairs, and a computer,鈥� it begins. A rather stark, empty setting in which to learn you have a terminal disease.

But this isn鈥檛 a book about death. It鈥檚 about moments in life. It鈥檚 stories about love, marriage, a hen who thinks she鈥檚 a cock, and Vietnamese soup. Gilmore鈥檚 had much to think about since that diagnosis, and writing the stories in this book helped him clarify his thoughts and figure out how to handle the terror.

鈥淚 was trying, basically, to do therapy on myself,鈥� says the 81-year-old, who has a Ph.D. in psychology and spent 20 years in academia and another 20 as a consultant. He began writing when he retired, about 20 years ago.

Did the therapy work?

鈥淚 think so,鈥� he says. 鈥淚 still have moments, maybe hours, in the early mornings, of terror and 鈥榩oor me.鈥� But for the most part, I feel like it really helped.鈥�

Gilmore didn鈥檛 intend to write a book. As he finished a story or poem, he would send it off to his editor/publisher, Clare MacQueen with KYSO Flash Press. It was MacQueen who saw a book evolve from story to story.

鈥淪he said, 鈥業 think you have a book here,鈥欌�� Gilmore recalls her saying.

When he finished the book, he wrote MacQueen.

鈥淲riting this book has been like chasing butterflies,鈥� Gilmore said in a February email to her.

鈥淓nd-of-life is loaded with new discoveries, some scary but most, delightful. My dog, Molly, and a crippled cricket have become amazing teachers. Tomatoes are patient. I miss ice fishing in Minnesota although I have never been fishing anywhere. And all of it goes into my dharma box.鈥�

Traditionally, a dharma box holds precious items that will be key to what you want to happen after you die. It could include a will, funeral instructions, prayers you want read 鈥� any number of items.

But Gilmore鈥檚 dharma box is for now. It鈥檚 full of observations, revelations, fantasies, great love, some loss, all told with eloquence. It has helped him accept and be wholly mindful of the journey he is on. He also hopes it will ease the discomfort others feel around those with a terminal disease.

鈥淧eople come up to you when you are ill and say 鈥極h, if there is anything I can do, please call me.鈥� And then they walk away.鈥�

Often, many don鈥檛 know what to say to a person with such a devastating diagnosis as ALS.

鈥淪o with the dharma box, you just pick a ribbon out of it, or a photo or a story and say, 鈥榦h, here鈥檚 something to talk about.鈥欌��

The book is behind him, but Gilmore continues to write short pieces. 鈥淎s my life gets shorter,鈥� he says with a hearty laugh, 鈥淚 prefer shorter forms.鈥�

And he continues to teach poetry and poetry discussion through the University of 蜜柚直播鈥檚 Osher Lifelong Learning Institute.

鈥淚 love it,鈥� he says of teaching. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 probably the last thing I鈥檒l let go of. Great students, great discussions. They are motivated, interested. I feel like I鈥檓 turning out a poet a day there. They are falling in love with poetry. I can鈥檛 do enough of it, it鈥檚 just addictive.鈥�

Gilmore, who gets around now with the help of a walker, wallows in life but has his eye on what is in store for him.

He doesn鈥檛 want any extreme measures taken. And though he鈥檚 thought of assisted suicide, it鈥檚 not the road he鈥檚 planning to take.

鈥淎 book I read, 鈥楩inal Gifts,鈥� talks about the process of dying and I am convinced it is a developmental phase, like infancy, adolescence, adulthood. It鈥檚 short, but it鈥檚 there. And I thought 鈥業 need that.鈥� There are things you learn in that phase which are really important to completing your life. At least, I think so. So right now, I鈥檓 going to do hospice. I want to get it right.鈥�

Gilmore has had a full, rich life. That is especially apparent in 鈥淩evised Obituary,鈥� the final story in 鈥淢y Dharma Box.鈥�

鈥淔or me,鈥� he writes, 鈥渨hat counts is the bucket that each of us carries from birth to death trying to fill it up, one grain at a time, and each grain is a piece of love. So, here鈥檚 my revised obituary: His bucket is full.鈥�