蜜柚直播

As long as we are in an era of chaotic and absurd politics, we should:

• Invade and annex Australia. It is strategically located so we can keep an eye on China, mate, and possessing it will reduce import costs to U.S. zoos for kangaroos and koalas.
• Mint more dimes, nickels and pennies. Prices on most everything are certain to be so low that paying with pocket change will be possible.
• Acquire gardening tools and kitchen knives. We鈥檒l need them for the job openings in landscaping and restaurants once all those pesky immigrants are gone.
• Practice cooking buffelgrass, creosote, tumbleweed and other plants. That will give us greens to eat in lieu of the 120,000 truckloads of Mexican vegetables that will no longer be crossing the sealed border each winter.
• Stop eating 鈥渇oreign鈥� food. Instead, eat 鈥淎merican鈥� food, including Taco Bell tacos, McDonald鈥檚 French fries and Olive Garden spaghetti.
• Slaughter more pigs. It will bring down the price of bacon so we can eat more of it. At the same time, increase funding to train cardiothoracic surgeons; we鈥檒l need them.
• Learn to speak one foreign language, Kalaallisut. Fluency in the Aleut dialect will allow us to communicate with the 55,000 plus Greenlanders who soon will be Americans.
• Eliminate other foreign words from our vocabulary. No more talk of chilis, chocolate, tomatoes, avocados, guacamole 鈥� all words from Nahuatl, the Aztec language. We won鈥檛 need to say them, anyway, because the sealed border means we won鈥檛 be eating them.
• Copy an Idaho state senator in telling people to go back to where they came from. He demanded it of another political candidate, who happens to be Nimiipuu, also known as Nez Perce; her people have been in the region for 11,000 years or more. Good idea, though; let鈥檚 tell him and everyone to go back to where they came from.
• Ban birthright citizenship for all people born to opportunistic immigrants. That includes the incoming president, who is the son of a woman from Scotland, and the incoming vice president鈥檚 wife, who is the daughter of migrants from India.
• Deport those who came into the country illegally. Included is the incoming president鈥檚 BFF, who was in the United States illegally when he arrived from South Africa, allegedly to go to college. Instead, he stayed as a non-student on a student visa.
• Rename America. The name is derived from the first name of an Italian immigrant, who wisely returned to the continent. How about the United States of Absurdia?

Most of all, let鈥檚 keep our eyes on what the incoming president and his political followers are doing, rather than on the diversions they create with their absurd pronouncements.